What to Do If You Feel Emotionally Invalidated by Doctors

Introduction

When you're vulnerable—sharing symptoms, fears, or questions with a medical professional—the last thing you expect is to be dismissed or disbelieved. Yet for many people, especially those living with chronic illness, invisible symptoms, mental health struggles, or conditions like multiple sclerosis (MS), emotional invalidation in healthcare settings is a harsh and unfortunately common experience.

You may walk away from an appointment feeling unheard, belittled, or even blamed for your symptoms. You may wonder if you were overreacting, miscommunicated, or if your pain just isn’t “bad enough.” But the truth is: your emotional response to being invalidated is real and valid.

Here’s a deeper look at why this happens, what it does to you emotionally, and most importantly—what you can do to protect yourself, advocate for your needs, and heal from the psychological toll of not being believed.

Looking for online therapy? Click here.

🧠 What Emotional Invalidation Looks Like in Healthcare

Not all invalidation is overt. Some doctors may be outright dismissive—telling you it's "just stress" or "all in your head." Others may seem rushed, disinterested, or subtly skeptical of your symptoms. Common examples include:

“You’re probably just anxious.”
“That’s normal for someone your age.”
“You’re reading too much into this.”
“Your tests are normal, so there’s nothing wrong.”
A condescending tone, lack of eye contact, or visibly rushing through your appointment

Invalidation often comes across as minimizing, blaming, or ignoring the emotional reality of your experience. It can make you feel invisible.

🔥 The Emotional Fallout: Why It Hurts So Much

Feeling emotionally dismissed by a medical professional can trigger deep psychological distress. Here’s why:

Power imbalance: Doctors hold authority, and when they ignore or diminish your concerns, it can feel like your experience doesn’t matter.

Self-doubt: You may begin to question your own reality—"Maybe I am exaggerating."

Trauma reactivation: If you have a history of not being believed, this kind of interaction can reopen old emotional wounds.

Medical gaslighting: You may feel manipulated into thinking you're the problem, even when your symptoms are valid and deserve attention.

This emotional invalidation can lead to medical trauma, avoidance of future care, and worsening mental and physical health outcomes.

🙋 Step 1: Validate Yourself First

The first and most powerful step is to validate your own experience, even if your doctor doesn’t.

Remind yourself: “What I felt was real. My symptoms are real. My emotions about being dismissed are valid.”

You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to a real rupture in trust and support. Emotional invalidation hurts because it denies something essential: your right to be taken seriously, especially when you're in pain.

🧾 Step 2: Write It Down

Right after the appointment—or as soon as you feel able—jot down everything that happened. Include:

The date and doctor’s name
What you said and how they responded
Any feelings or physical symptoms you experienced afterward
Specific phrases that felt dismissive

This written account not only serves as documentation (in case you file a complaint later) but also helps you process and externalize the experience so you don’t internalize the blame.

🔍 Step 3: Reframe What Happened

It’s easy to spiral into thoughts like, “I must have said something wrong,” or “Maybe I was too emotional.” But here’s a more helpful reframe:

Doctors are human, and some have limited training in empathy, chronic illness, mental health, or trauma-informed care.
The problem isn’t you. The problem is a system that often prioritizes speed, data, and objectivity over patient-centered communication.
You don’t have to justify your pain to deserve compassion.

This shift allows you to view the situation through a lens of systemic awareness, not self-blame.

💬 Step 4: Practice What You Wish You Had Said

You may find yourself replaying the conversation in your head, imagining what you should have said. Use that as an opportunity to rehearse boundaries and assertive communication for next time.

Try statements like:

“I feel dismissed when my symptoms are reduced to anxiety.”
“I’m looking for someone who will take my experience seriously.”
“I need a care team that listens—can you help me find that?”

This isn’t about confrontation. It’s about reclaiming your voice and preparing for future appointments.

🔄 Step 5: Get a Second Opinion

If your concerns are serious or ongoing, don’t hesitate to seek care elsewhere. A different doctor may:

Take the time to listen more attentively
Offer fresh insights or referrals
Be more familiar with your specific condition

While it’s frustrating that you have to do this extra work, finding a trauma-informed or empathetic practitioner can be a game changer.

Look for doctors who specialize in:

Chronic illness
Women’s health
Neurology or autoimmune conditions
Integrative or functional medicine (often more patient-centered)

🧭 Step 6: Learn to Advocate—Without Burning Out

If you live with a condition like MS, fibromyalgia, or long COVID, you may become a frequent flyer in the healthcare system. Learning how to advocate for yourself is key—but so is pacing your energy.

Here’s how to advocate without overexerting:

Bring someone with you to appointments for emotional backup.
Prepare bullet points of what you want to discuss.
State clearly what you need, e.g., “I’m not looking for reassurance—I want answers.”
Ask for notes, lab reports, or a written summary so you don’t have to rely solely on memory.

Self-advocacy is a skill. And it gets easier with practice.

🛠️ Step 7: Use Patient Feedback Systems (When Ready)

If you feel emotionally safe doing so, you can file a complaint or give feedback through:

The clinic or hospital’s patient relations department
College of Physicians or equivalent licensing body
Online reviews (with discretion)

You’re not being petty—you’re creating accountability. Even if nothing changes immediately, your feedback may help others down the line.

🧘 Step 8: Tend to the Emotional Wounds

Medical invalidation can leave a mark that’s deeper than the physical issue you sought help for. Prioritize your emotional recovery just as you would physical healing.

Try:

Therapy (especially trauma-informed or health-focused therapists)
Journaling your feelings without censoring yourself
Support groups (in-person or online, such as chronic illness communities)
Somatic practices like breathwork or grounding to release tension. Want to try Breathwork? Click here.

You deserve to heal from the harm, not just the disease.

🫶 Step 9: Build a Trustworthy Medical Team

Long-term health conditions often require ongoing care. That means building a circle of professionals who:

Respect you
Believe you
Involve you in decisions
Acknowledge your emotional reality

It may take time to find the right providers, but you’re allowed to be selective. Your healing thrives in a space of trust.

Ask potential doctors:

“How do you typically work with patients who have invisible illnesses?”
“How do you handle cases where lab tests don’t align with symptoms?”
“Do you take a collaborative approach?”

These questions help you assess emotional safety before entrusting your care.

🛑 Bonus Tip: Watch for Red Flags

Here are some signs that it may be time to switch doctors:

Repeated dismissal or minimizing
No follow-up after serious concerns
Discouraging second opinions
Making you feel like a burden or difficult patient
Ignoring your emotional or mental health context

You are not obligated to continue care with someone who makes you feel worse.

🌱 Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Be Heard

It’s heartbreaking to feel emotionally invalidated—especially in a place where you were seeking support, clarity, or relief. But your worth is not measured by how much pain you’re in, or how “believable” you seem.

You deserve care that sees your full humanity.

Even if the first doctor didn’t get it, keep searching. Even if your voice trembled, you were still brave. And even if you weren’t believed—your truth still matters.

Looking for online therapy? Click here.

📚 References and Resources

Blease, C. R., Kaptchuk, T. J., & Bernstein, M. H. (2018). "Mandating empathy: the ethical obligation of healthcare providers to deliver empathic care." AMA Journal of Ethics.

Hogg, M., et al. (2022). “Medical Gaslighting: The Hidden Harm in Healthcare.” Journal of Patient Experience.

Invisible Illness Support Groups: MyInvisibleMS.org

Therapy for Chronic Illness: Psychology Today Therapist Directory

Advocacy Resources: Patients Association Canada