When You Feel Like a Burden: Challenging Internalized Guilt

Introduction

Living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) often means needing more help than you ever imagined. Whether it’s assistance with walking, managing fatigue, attending appointments, or coping emotionally, you may find yourself relying on others more than you’re used to. And while people might be happy to help, inside, you may hear a quiet, painful voice whisper:

“I’m too much.”
“They’d be better off without me.”
“I’m a burden.”

This internal narrative—rooted in guilt and shame—can do more harm than the physical symptoms of MS. It eats away at your self-worth, fuels depression, isolates you from loved ones, and makes it harder to ask for what you need.

This article is your compassionate reminder that needing support does not make you a burden. It makes you human. Let’s explore how to challenge this internalized guilt and rewrite the story you’re telling yourself.

Looking for online therapy? Click here.

🧠 Where Does This Guilt Come From?

Feeling like a burden is not irrational. It often stems from deeply ingrained beliefs shaped by culture, trauma, and personal expectations. You may have internalized messages such as:

“Your value depends on your productivity.”
“Good people don’t complain or need help.”
“Asking for support is weakness.”

When MS interrupts your ability to work, move, or function as you once did, these messages rise to the surface, saying:

“You’re failing.”
“You’re disappointing people.”
“You’re costing them too much.”

But those thoughts aren't facts—they’re learned beliefs. And like all beliefs, they can be unlearned.

💬 Internalized Guilt Sounds Like…

Sometimes we don’t even realize how often we criticize ourselves. Here’s what internalized guilt might sound like in your mind:

“I hate asking again. They must be so tired of me.”
“I wish I could just disappear.”
“I’m dragging everyone down.”
“They only stay because they feel obligated.”

Each one of these thoughts deserves to be challenged. You are not an inconvenience. You are a whole human being who deserves care.

❤️ Reframing Support: What If You’re Not a Burden—But a Connector?

What if needing help doesn’t make you a problem—but instead, a source of connection?

Let’s flip the script:

Your vulnerability gives others a chance to show love.
Your honesty invites deeper emotional intimacy.
Your needs create opportunities for trust and closeness.

Support isn’t a transaction—it’s a relationship. It’s what humans are wired for.

🌱 Think of this: When a friend opens up and asks for help, do you see them as a burden? Or do you feel honored they trust you?

Why should it be different for you?

👂 The Impact of Feeling Like a Burden

Letting these beliefs go unchallenged can lead to:

Withdrawing from loved ones
Suppressing your emotions and needs
Overexerting yourself to “make up” for needing help
Depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts
Delayed or avoided medical care

That’s why this work is not just emotional—it’s essential.

🧠 1. Recognize the Thought—Don’t Become It

The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m a burden,” try this:

🧠 “Ah, that’s my guilt voice. It’s trying to protect me from rejection, but it’s based on fear, not truth.”

By labeling the thought as a mental event—not a fact—you give yourself space to respond differently.

You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.

💬 2. Speak to Yourself Like You’d Speak to a Friend

Imagine your dearest friend or sibling said, “I feel like I’m just a burden now.”
Would you say:

“Yeah, you kind of are.”
“You’re too much to deal with.”

Of course not. You’d hold them. Remind them of their worth. Tell them they’re loved no matter what.

You deserve the same compassion.

Try saying:

“My needs matter.”
“I’m allowed to ask for help.”
“They choose to love me. That’s their decision—not my guilt.”

👪 3. Let People Decide What They’re Willing to Give

Often, guilt stems from making assumptions for others:

“They must resent me.”
“They don’t really want to help.”

But unless they’ve said that, you’re making decisions on their behalf. Give people the dignity of choosing. If they say yes, trust that. If they say no, trust that too.

Boundaries work both ways.

💡 Mantra: “It’s not my job to manage their feelings—just to communicate my needs clearly.”

🧱 4. Stop “Earning” Your Right to Exist

If you believe your value comes from what you produce, how you look, or how “low-maintenance” you are, you’ll constantly feel inadequate.

But your worth doesn’t disappear when your abilities change. You are valuable because you exist.

✨ You still offer:

Empathy
Insight
Humor
Perspective
Presence

Your essence remains, even if your energy doesn’t.

✨ 5. Remember: Interdependence Is the Human Way

Capitalist, individualist culture glorifies independence. But humans are not designed to “go it alone.” We’ve always relied on each other:

In tribes
In families
In community care systems

The myth of “doing it all yourself” is toxic. Interdependence is not weakness—it’s evolution.

💬 Say it: “I’m not broken—I’m human.”

🧘 6. Practice Receiving Without Apology

This one is hard but transformational. The next time someone helps you, instead of saying:

“Sorry for being a pain.”
“I hate that you have to do this.”

Try:

“Thank you for being here.”
“I’m grateful for your support.”
“I’m learning how to receive.”

Gratitude fosters connection. Guilt fosters distance.

You don’t owe people perfection in exchange for their kindness. Just be real.

🔄 7. Challenge the “Taker” Myth

You might fear you’re always taking—but take a moment to list what you give:

📝 Make a list:

Ways I support others emotionally
How I contribute (even just presence, laughter, or listening)
Things people appreciate about me

You may be shocked by how much you offer without realizing it. Support is not only physical—it’s energetic, emotional, and spiritual.

💖 8. Talk Openly About Guilt With Safe People

Sometimes just saying the words aloud releases the shame.

Try telling a trusted friend or partner:

“I’ve been feeling like I’m too much lately. I know it’s not logical, but it’s there.”

Often, their response will surprise you. It gives them the chance to reassure, connect, and express how much you mean to them.

Vulnerability builds bridges.

🧠 9. Watch for All-or-Nothing Thinking

Guilt thrives in black-and-white logic:

“If I need help, I’m failing.”
“If I struggle, I’m a burden.”
“If I cancel plans, no one will want to be around me.”

These thoughts are cognitive distortions.

Try reframing:

“I need help right now, and that’s okay.”
“I’m having a hard time, but I’m still worthy of love.”
“Cancelling plans doesn’t make me unlovable—it makes me honest.”

💬 10. Use Affirmations to Rewrite the Narrative

You don’t have to “believe” affirmations for them to work—you just have to practice them.

Try:

“I am not a burden. I am loved as I am.”
“It’s safe to need help.”
“I bring value beyond what I do.”
“Being cared for does not make me weak.”

Repeat these daily—out loud, in a journal, or post-it on your mirror.

🖼️ 11. Surround Yourself with Guilt-Busting Messages

Curate your environment with things that remind you of your worth. Try:

A vision board with affirmations
Quotes about interdependence
Photos of people who love you unconditionally
Books or podcasts that challenge toxic productivity culture

Your environment can be an ally in your healing.

🎭 12. Name the Shame to Disarm It

Shame grows in silence. If you grew up being told that asking for help was lazy, selfish, or wrong—it’s time to name that.

Try writing:

“What messages did I internalize about needing help?”
“Who taught me I was only lovable if I was ‘easy’ to be around?”

Naming the origin helps you challenge the message.

You can say:

“That was then. This is now.”
“I’m allowed to redefine what love looks like.”

🧠 13. Therapy Helps—Especially Around Guilt and Identity

If guilt is persistent and overwhelming, a therapist can help you unpack it. Especially helpful modalities for people with chronic illness include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for reframing thoughts
Compassion-Focused Therapy for shame
Internal Family Systems (IFS) for exploring parts of you stuck in guilt or fear

You don’t have to fight this alone.

Looking for online therapy? Click here.

✍️ Final Journal Prompts to Explore:

What am I afraid will happen if I ask for more help?
What do I believe about people who need care?
What proof do I have that I’m loved and supported, even when I’m not at my best?
How would I speak to my younger self about this guilt?