MS, Anxiety, and the Need to Control: How to Let Go Safely

1. 💬 Introduction: The Tension Between Control and Surrender

When you live with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), life can feel wildly unpredictable. One day, you’re functioning fine. The next, your leg won’t cooperate or fatigue crashes down like a wave. This unpredictability creates a powerful psychological pull: the need to control.

Control gives us the illusion of safety. It's our attempt to manage what feels unmanageable. But when anxiety kicks in—and it often does with MS—that need to control everything intensifies. We tighten our grip on routines, relationships, medications, even emotions. And paradoxically, this can make things worse.

This article explores the tangled relationship between MS, anxiety, and the need to control, and how to begin the process of letting go—without feeling like you’re giving up.

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2. 🧠 Why MS Amplifies Control-Seeking Behavior

a. Chronic Uncertainty

MS is unpredictable. Flares can arrive without warning. Symptoms shift. This constant ambiguity trains your brain to scan for threats—and to try to out-think the disease.

b. Neurological Anxiety

MS affects the brain and nervous system directly. Lesions can alter mood regulation, making anxiety more likely—even when nothing is technically “wrong.”

c. Loss of Agency

When your body doesn’t always obey you, it’s natural to compensate by trying to control everything else. It’s a coping mechanism—but an exhausting one.

d. Trauma Looping

If you’ve had scary flare-ups or misdiagnoses, your brain may equate control with survival. So you cling harder—even when it costs you peace.

3. ⚠️ Signs You’re Stuck in Control Mode

You plan every hour of your day to avoid “surprises”
You obsessively monitor symptoms, Googling each one
You panic when routines change (e.g., doctor rescheduling)
You feel like you’re failing if your day doesn’t go as planned
You struggle to ask for help or delegate tasks

These are understandable reactions. But they can also create more mental tension, relationship strain, and nervous system dysregulation.

4. 🔁 The Control-Anxiety Feedback Loop

Here’s what it often looks like:

MS symptoms create uncertainty
Uncertainty fuels anxiety
Anxiety triggers need for control
Control efforts fail (because MS doesn’t listen)
You feel helpless → anxiety spikes
You double down on control

This cycle is self-perpetuating. The more you try to control, the more out of control you feel.

So how do you exit the loop—safely?

5. 🌱 What Letting Go Really Means

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means making space for a different kind of power: flexibility, adaptability, trust.

Think of letting go like loosening your grip—so you can hold more.

Letting go might look like:

Adapting your schedule instead of rigidly forcing it
Breathing through a flare instead of panicking
Saying, “I don’t know yet,” instead of demanding answers
Trusting your past resilience, not fearing your future

6. 🧘 Somatic Safety: Calming the Nervous System First

You can’t talk yourself out of the need for control when your nervous system is in panic. You must address your body’s fear signals first.

Try:

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)

Box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4). Want to try Breathwork? Click here.

Grounding objects (stone, bracelet, scented oil)

Safe space visualization (imagine a calm, secure place)

Weighted blankets or gentle pressure

The goal is to signal: “I am safe in this moment.”

When your body feels safe, your mind is more open to letting go.

7. 🧩 Micro-Letting-Go Moments: Daily Experiments

Letting go isn’t one giant act—it’s a thousand small decisions.

Here are some to try:

Control Habit	Letting Go Alternative
Obsessive symptom tracking	Limit yourself to 1 daily check-in
Rigid routine	Add 15-minute “flex” blocks
Doing everything yourself	Ask someone to handle one task
Avoiding spontaneity	Say yes to one unplanned thing per week
Mental rehearsing	Try mindfulness instead

Keep it bite-sized. The nervous system needs repetition and reward to feel safe with change.

8. 💬 Rewriting Internal Narratives

Anxiety loves to whisper lies like:

“If I don’t control this, something terrible will happen.”
“I have to be in charge to be safe.”
“Letting go means I’m weak.”
“If I relax, I’ll miss something important.”

You can reframe these:

Anxious Thought	Calmer Reframe
“I must control everything”	“I can respond instead of react”
“What if I flare again?”	“I’ll handle it like I have before”
“I feel unsafe”	“I’m noticing fear, and that’s okay”