Learning to Coexist with Uncertainty (Instead of Fighting It)

🌫️ Introduction: Why Uncertainty Feels So Unbearable

If you live with a chronic condition like multiple sclerosis (MS), uncertainty isn’t just an occasional inconvenience—it’s a constant companion. Will my next MRI show new lesions? Will I wake up with numbness tomorrow? Will my fatigue improve… or worsen?

Uncertainty hijacks the nervous system. It tugs on your anxiety, fuels hypervigilance, and can make you feel like you’re in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s no wonder so many people with MS (and other unpredictable illnesses) try to manage their fear by grasping for certainty.

But what if the answer isn’t in fighting uncertainty… but in learning to live with it—gracefully, steadily, and on your own terms?

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🧠 Why the Brain Craves Certainty

Your brain is wired for safety. And to the brain, certainty equals survival.

The more unpredictable your environment, the more your nervous system gears up for danger. With MS, your body itself can feel unpredictable—and that leads to chronic activation of your fight-or-flight system.

This is why even small unknowns (like waiting for test results) can feel intolerable. Your brain interprets uncertainty as a threat.

🎭 The Illusion of Control: When Planning Becomes Panic

People with MS often become hyper-planners—rigid routines, constant symptom tracking, researching every possible outcome.

While structure and preparation are important, too much planning can morph into anxiety in disguise. This over-control approach may look like:

Obsessively Googling symptoms

Asking for multiple medical opinions to “feel sure”

Rewriting to-do lists constantly “just in case”

Avoiding commitments because you fear flaring

Needing guarantees before making decisions

All of these are attempts to outsmart uncertainty. But they rarely give us peace—just more exhaustion.

🛑 The Cost of Fighting the Unknown

Trying to eliminate uncertainty usually backfires. You may:

  • Drain your mental energy trying to control everything
  • Miss out on joyful experiences while waiting for “the right time”
  • Struggle with trust in your body, your future, or your decisions
  • Experience decision paralysis due to fear of making the “wrong” move
  • Disconnect from the present moment

You’re not failing. You’re human. And there’s another way.

🌱 A Shift in Approach: From Resisting to Relating

Let’s reframe uncertainty from being something to “fix”… to something you can relate to differently.

Coexisting with uncertainty means:

  • Accepting that you cannot always predict or prevent outcomes
  • Learning emotional flexibility and nervous system resilience
  • Choosing presence, even when fear tries to drag you into “what-ifs”
  • Trusting that you’ll find the next step—even if the full path isn’t visible

This shift isn’t easy. But it’s liberating. Let’s explore how to practice it.

🛠️ Tools to Cope with Uncertainty Without Shutting Down

Here are grounded, evidence-informed strategies to help you coexist with uncertainty without letting it rule your life:

1. 🫁 Ground Your Body When the Mind Spirals

Uncertainty lives in the mind. To interrupt it, anchor into the body.

Try this grounding ritual:

  • Place your feet flat on the floor
  • Breathe slowly into your belly (inhale 4 counts, exhale 6)
  • Say: “Right now, I am safe. My breath is here. My body is here.”
  • Engage your senses—notice 3 things you see, hear, feel

The more you train your body to feel safe in the unknown, the less your brain panics.

2. 🧘 Practice the “Maybe” Mindset

Borrowed from mindfulness and Buddhist psychology, the “maybe” mindset invites openness instead of fear.

Instead of: “This fatigue means I’m declining.”
Try: “Maybe I just need rest today. Maybe tomorrow will feel different.”

It’s not about false hope. It’s about staying flexible.

3. 📓 Externalize the Fear

When anxiety about the unknown feels overwhelming, try writing it out:

  • “What’s the story my mind is telling me?”
  • “What’s the worst-case scenario?”
  • “What would I say to a friend who believed this?”

Journaling creates mental space and helps you notice patterns like catastrophizing or black-and-white thinking.

4. 📅 Embrace “Mini Certainties”

You can’t control long-term outcomes—but you can anchor into short-term rituals.

Examples:

  • Drinking the same tea every evening
  • Setting up a calming morning routine
  • Scheduling a weekly check-in with yourself

These become islands of predictability in an ocean of unknowns.

5. 🧠 Use Cognitive Behavioral Tools

CBT techniques help you notice and challenge fear-based thoughts.

Try this CBT-inspired reframe:

  • Thought: “I can’t make plans. What if I flare?”
  • Reframe: “I don’t know how I’ll feel, but I can plan lightly and adjust if needed.”

It gives you options, not ultimatums.

6. 🪞Create a Safety Statement

A short, reassuring phrase can ground you when uncertainty hits.

Examples:

  • “I’ve gotten through hard things before.”
  • “I don’t have all the answers—and I don’t need to.”
  • “This moment is the only one I need to be in right now.”

Repeat during stress or write on sticky notes around your space.

7. 🛏️ Set Boundaries with “What-If” Thinking

Create a boundary with your anxiety by limiting how long you engage with the “what-ifs.”

Try:

  • Designating a 10-minute worry window
  • Saying “Not now, brain” when intrusive thoughts arise
  • Redirecting with a soothing activity (walk, music, stretching)

This is mental hygiene, not avoidance.

8. 🧬 Rebuild Trust with Your Body

MS can make your body feel unpredictable. Learning to reconnect gently helps ease fear.

Try:

  • Breath awareness
  • Progressive muscle relaxation
  • Gentle movement (yoga, somatic stretching)
  • Loving self-touch (hand over heart or hugging yourself)

Treat your body like an ally—not a ticking time bomb.

💬 Real Talk: You Won’t Master This Overnight

You’ll still have days where the unknown feels suffocating. You’ll still feel frustrated when others say, “Just stay positive.”

But over time, these practices:

  • Make uncertainty less scary
  • Reduce physical stress responses
  • Reclaim peace in the midst of the unknown
  • Help you show up for your life—even without a script

💖 Final Thoughts: You Are More Than the Fear

You are not your MS. You are not your anxiety. You are not your need for control.

You are a human being doing your best to live a meaningful life in a body and world that often refuse to give guarantees.

That takes courage. That’s resilience.

Learning to coexist with uncertainty isn’t a weakness—it’s one of the greatest inner strengths you can build.

Looking for online therapy? Click here.

🌿 Affirmation to Close With:

“I can live with not knowing. I can soften into the unknown. I can trust myself to face what comes—with grace, presence, and support.”

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